I went back and read the review. Evidently, you didn't hate it as much as you had expected to.

That depends. As we know from one of El Santo's famous review of Ridley Scott's Legend, if Satan/Lucifer does not look like Tim Curry's character, he's demanding his sins back.

I presume Lucifer has yet to meet your criteria?

Howdy y'all ! here's the first EVER review of SLOW TORTURE PUKE CHAMBER ! the 3rd and
final installment of the Vomit Gore Trilogy by Josh Haney of HORRORPUNKS.COM

Slow Torture Puke Chamber
A Film By Lucifer Valentine
Starring: Hope Likens, Ameara LaVey, Hank Skinny, Ms. Lucy, Natas and Shari Caruso
Valentine International Pictures/Unearthed Films
www.unearthedfilms.com
Reviewed by: Josh Haney
Copyright 2010
 
            Forget what you know about life and death.  Pain and pleasure, they’re history too.  Good and evil, gone as well.  From where you are, right at this moment, up and down don’t even mean a thing.  For this instant you are stuck between worlds and the comforts they allow.  You float, like a corpse, fat and bloated down the river of time and space.  That white light everyone talks about, well that’s nothing but a mushroom cloud of blistering death raping the very life force from what remains of your mortal shell.  Purging.  Pay careful attention to the hallucinogenic scenes that play across the minds eye.  It is in this instant when all is revealed.
After witnessing Slow Torture Puke Chamber, the climax to the Vomit Gore Trilogy, I felt like some sort of acid casualty…uncontrollable images playing at the periphery of my sight, demons whispering in my ear…I was a changed man.
I’ve known Lucifer Valentine, the warlock behind this sonic Satanic assault, for a few years now, and consider him a brother and fellow traveler into the darker aspects of my favorite subjects… sex, magic and death.  I reviewed his first two forays into the shattered mind of 19 year-old bulimic prostitute Angela Aberdeen, Slaughtered Vomit Dolls and ReGoregitated Sacrifice, who forges a deathbed pact with Satan to avenge the misery the world heaped upon her short life.  I even did a personal interview with him that made a few people so uncomfortable I had to censor it in parts to get it printed.  People tend to get uneasy around those of us with a true appetite for the arcane.  And that is exactly what Mr. Valentine has.
What you witness here is real, making this much more than a simple horror film.  It’s all fun when the lights go down, the monsters come out and a couple of hours later it’s all over and you go back to your normal life. This film, along with the others in the series, do something to you, transform the way you think, alters your perception like a powerful drug.  The difference is that after a while drugs wear off, whereas Valentine’s cinema spell never does.  You are pulled into the panorama of Hell, the valley of death with Angela, sometimes erotic, until you remember how she got here. Valentine has not only pushed the envelope, he has obliterated it with a shotgun blast to the senses.
You might think this all smacks of exaggeration, that because I’m a friend of the director I’m just trying to get some promotion for Slow Torture Puke Chamber and, by proxy, the sister films in the trilogy.  Nothing can be farther from the truth.  I am here as a witness, like one of those guys who carries the sign proclaiming the end is nigh.  But if you’re ready for a truly terrifying experience, a savage piece of visual brutality, something that takes a truly special kind of viewer to endure, than this is the film for you.